I went all in. My mothers hip replacement was my solo mission. For weeks I lived on the mantra “she needs me and i have to focus only on her”. Until I hit the wall; it was a burnout; I was fatigued, mentally drained and gained few kilos because of stress eating. It was a wake-up call and deep realization that a caregiver’s self-care isn’t an indulgence; it’s the foundation of effective caregiving. It’s the oxygen mask we must put on ourselves first.
Without it, when we break down, the patient’s care suffers too. And I know, that I am not alone in this exhaustive cycle. This isn’t just my story; it’s the untold experience of millions of caregivers who pour every drop of themselves into the care of someone they love.
Knowing what to do for self-care is one thing, but actually finding the time, energy, and motivation when you are completely depleted is another. It’s absolutely true that exhaustion turns self-care into just another impossible task. So, what to do now?? Please ask for help. Stay guiltfree. Yes, there are people and systems designed to “care for caregiver”.
To sustain throughout the caregiving journey, it’s important for the caregiver to choose respite care like nursing homes, assisted living and residential care for patients. Homecare services are the finest form of self-care as it unbounds the caregiver from the patient’s day-to-day responsibilities and gives freedom to recharge.
Caring for patient with terminally ill disease demands enduring dedication that is both emotionally draining and financially taxing. Letting others handle the administrative load, frees up our emotional energy. Caregivers also need to view help from friends, neighbours, and community groups as lifelines. There’s no need for guilt when accepting support—like dropped-off meals, running errands, or being a patient “buddy”, to gain a brief break during these stressful times. Caregivers need to shift from doing everything to delegating specific tasks. This invaluable support enables caregivers to focus their undivided attention on direct patient care. Remember, delegating is a smart self- care.
My time at Karunashraya has introduced me to countless caregivers who struggle with guilt – a feeling that they’re not “good enough”. They live in constant worry about their loved one’s declining health, fear of making a mistake as a caregiver, and harbour many other nameless anxieties. They often feel helpless due to inability to control the progression of their loved one’s condition. All this and more, is a result of caregiving load. To prevent such burnout, palliative care centre like BHT-Karunashraya, takes excellent care of its patient caregivers, offering them counselling and diversional therapies.
Demands of caregiving can limit a caregiver’s social life, leading to feeling of isolation. Relationships with other family members and friends can suffer as the caregiver’s time and energy are redirected. As a primary caregiver, we need a mindset shift. A famous proverb says “One cannot pour from an empty cup” emphasizes that self-care is not a luxury; it is a clinical necessity for the caregiver. Allowing someone else to care for you is not selfish; it is proactive patient safety. You as caregiver deserve rest. Your burnout is a signal that the system needs to change, and that change often starts by letting others step in.
We urge to our unsung heroes – “To care for others, start by taking care of yourself”.
Author
Shilpi Agrawal, Volunteer at BHT – Karunashraya